Wednesday, June 12, 2013


This is going to be an awkward post that i will publish. The most awkward-est i think. Because in a way i have made this non personal blog into one.

I've been thinking and been pondering on the subject matter of 'death'. Actually i dont really gives a shit about it but i kept on thinking and thinking and somehow it found its way to me in my dream. 

1. Think too much.

The day after i dreamed of death, last sunday 9th june, i went to eat air batu campur ABC, with my friend. Before that, i told him i am dreaming of death, in his car.

Our main objective when we went out that day is just to get something to drink, outside of the house since the weather is killing the lot out of us recently. Before we went to get our drinks, my friend met his friend for some work-related business and i tell myself, why don't we get cendol instead of the same iced tea or iced syrup which i will order just like i always do on every regular lepak session.

After he met his friend, my friend said "what about ABC?", coz its been a long time since the last time we had one, maybe i haven't had one for a long time, i don't know my friend's story.

And so, we went to get our ABC. My friend asked for a regular ABC and i ordered an extra chocolate topping, i have to pay more for it, of course. ABC is so expensive nowadays. I used to enjoy the same ABC from the same stall  for only RM2 a few years ago and now its already RM 3.50, extra 50 cents since i want more chocolate toppings.

After a queue, we took our ABC and eat them. That is the intro of the dialogue between 2 broke friends who whine a bit about how expensive food is nowadays. Everything starts to double its price. We could once get a decent roti canai for only 50 cents and now its around RM1 - RM1.20 in the city. Time flies...

2. Reminiscing

Before eating the ABC, we promised to have a sumptuous Nasi Lemak because its been a while since we had our proper meal. Our daily meal? Rice, fried eggs and some hot dogs at home. once in a while we eat chicken due to the tight budget. I don't wanna whine on that now since we still had something to eat every now and then, doesn't matter how frequent it is. I am thankful for that.

Remember about the extra chocolate topping on my ABC? i went all energetic and stuff that night. It feels like i'm high on some drugs and shit. I blasted the speaker on max volume and sing along with serj tankian's SOAD and linkin park all night, with my friend. Lucky me he's a fan. So he could sing along with my pace and i kinda head banging for about 3 or 4 hours before i naturally fell asleep that night. idky but i hate sleeping at night. The peace and serenity is too comfortable to be ignored. 

Today, or yesterday, i've been thinking of how stingy i am. I'm thinking of the theory of how money come and go. Theory about Give and take. And all sorts of philosophical bullshit. So i called my friend to be at the rendezvous. I've been thinking on treating them their dinner. Few days ago i get my royalties for writing Kitab Terfaktab. Yeah, i'm one of them. That is one of the reason why i'm paying that night.

I ordered my usual nasi goreng cendawan. But i changed my drinks to fresh watermelon from the usual iced tea. i loved their iced tea, it tasted different from every other usual shop that sells iced tea. But yeah, that night was a different night.

We had a good laugh. I laughed hard, my hands are numb and it was a good dinner. Not the usual dinner with the same food like we always had. Nobody really knows i'm going to treat them that night, so i tell them i am going to pay for their dinner after they had their meal. Unluckily, 3 of them ordered nasi bujang. One of my friend scream to me because of not telling him i am paying for dinner. But thats the rule. If you tell them you are going to treat them, they are going to be the devil who eats like a bulldozer. That's another story.

I stopped for a while because my friend is peeking on what i'm doing on my laptop. I don't really know why but it seems like nobody likes it when anybody read what they are writing, when they are writing. Doesn't matter what they're writing, am i right?
I'm home, all comfortable because tomorrow, my schedule is free and i am entitled to do whatever it is i'm willing and intended to, within my available resources.

It is 3 am. And now, at the very moment, i'm trying to finish what i started. This piece of rambling i'm sure nobody would  really care. 

3. Generous

Its been a while since i personally say hello to my maker. I bet he's furious. Or maybe he didn't give a damn, at all. Remember the day i told my friend i dreamed of death? He told me, that, was a good sign. I raised my left eyebrow and he told me that i am going to live long. To repent. To him. In whatever way i could. But this won't help me from stop thinking of death.

I took my shower later that night with my mind busy thinking about death, again. This fucking head wont stop thinking i guess so i let it be and play along.

Tonight, everybody's kinda busy. With work and whatnot. I told everybody i'm going to be dead, soon, out loud. I can see them smirk without even looking at their face. I even told them i am going to write a will (wasiat). Seriously, wasiat sounds better since 'will' have too many other synonyms along with it. Wasiat only have one meaning and one meaning is better than a lot of jumbled up meaning. I asked my friend for a piece of a4 paper and starts to write WASIAT on the top of the paper. Laugh a bit and put them on the the nearest shelf. I took it out again and write some honest will that i'm going to write that i have carved in my head. There's 4 to 5 points in it.

 I am a bit crazy when i'm within my comfortable zone, with the friends i'm comfortable with. If they do read this piece of crap, they will absolutely cross the word 'bit' from this particular paragraph.

4. Wasiat

I've been Thinking too much. Some serious thinking i'd say. I Reminisce. I am being Generous suddenly, out of nowhere, maybe out of somewhere. And i write a Wasiat.

And i write all of this past events to this blog. Hell not even an angel knew when they're going to die. I mean, every living creature including all the mumbo jumbo ghosts and apparition that people can't see have their end of time right? So am i.

So, maybe if and only if i die sooner than later, this will be the remarkable reminder of how death clinging onto you for every second you're breathing the oxygen in and carbon dioxide out.

Voila. its finished.

Later, if i'm alive.


Monday, June 10, 2013

Masalah 101

Manusia perlukan masalah, as much as manusia perlukan makanan, tempat tinggal, pasangan, kereta dan lain lain.

Ini terbukti kerana tanpa masalah, manusia takkan maju, kehadapan. Manusia akan berhenti jadi maju ketika manusia rasa manusia sudah cukup maju. Manusia perlukan pergerakan progresif, dan juga reaktif, walaupun the latter is better off lost in translation. (just kidding)

Oleh itu, manusia perlulah menyenaraikan masalah-masalah yang dihadapi, tak kisah lah di mana masalah itu disenaraikan pun. 

Jika manusia menjumpai penyelesaian tanpa masalah, itu juga menunjukkan masalah, kerana penyelesaian amat berguna jika manusia bermasalah. Tanpa masalah, penyelesaian hanyalah cebis-cebis teori yang tidak pragmatik untuk kegunaan seharian, walaupun banyak penyelesaian masalah berkaitan jiwa yang disaluti ritma filosofikal itu bersifat mainan minda, jiwa dan perasaan.

Kesimpulannya, catatkanlah semua masalah yang mendatang, simpulkan keadaan, selesaikan. Jangan ditangisi masalah, kerana masalah takkan menjiruskan jujukan kasihan untuk manusia makan.

Catat, simplify, selesaikan. 
Nescaya masalah itu akan hilang, dengan izin tuhan, masa, dan juga usaha yang dilitupi dengan kesungguhan.

(pardon my direct translation from english to bahasa. i can't seem to find the right malay word for it. Though this might sound corny, it seems that i need to translate english to bahasa nowadays, though it should have been the other way round.)

See you later.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Golden Rule


Dalam pertunjukan dunia, ada macam macam ragam, macam macam karenah, macam macam gelagat.

ah. cerita yang aku lakar dalam kepala hotak aku kompleks sangatlah. 

practise what you preach.

aku rasa aku ada dyslexia lah. 

Kalau kau tak suka apa yang kau tak suka, kau jangan buat. Senang.
Ini tak, kau tak suka orang buat, tapi kau buat. Tu nama dia hipokrit. orang hipokrit layaknya ke neraka tahu? 

Monday, March 25, 2013

Godspeed Malaysia.

The fight amongst political parties in malaysia is mostly about race and religion.
The malays, chinese, indians, and other fraction of race and ethnics in malaysia is still the trump card for all the politicians involved. The federal constitution favours malays since they're the majority and its pretty obvious that those who didn't have 'melayu' on their identity card suffers some kind of oppression in a lot of ways.

I believe that all of them will stick together once the immigrants are flooding malaysia just like what happened to most european countries.

But looking at different side of views, this race and ethnics game will be be one of the most depressing issues that the government will have to tackle since favouritism have its on ways to reach to the top.

One of the way to see the structure of this race and ethnicity is the big companies' and our very own country's ministers.

Spare the Malaysian Malaysia bullshit since that connotation is only suitable in the theory of racial blending. Its like dreaming for an utopia.  Accept the fact that the minority will always usually be oppressed. its happening around the globe.

Nationalism might be the one holding us all together by casting off those racial and religion debacle that is happening within the current situation.

Godspeed Malaysia.

Sunday, March 3, 2013


Lately, aku rasa hidup aku kekurangan konflik. Konflik konflik yang sedia ada dalam tangan tunggu masa nak diselesaikan. Aku rasa ni lah masalahnya bila hidup takde konflik. Kepala jadi tepu. Sebab gene and bloodline aku memang suka selesaikan masalah. Tak kira la masalah siapa. Aku rasa ni la masalah masalah adiwira dalam komik. Dia nak selesaikan semua masalah dalam dunia ni, dengan harapan dunia ni akan jadi aman tanpa konflik, walhal konflik tu lah yang menghidupkan manusia. Sampai satu masa, aku rasa konflik pun takut nak cari pasal dengan aku.

Tapi keadaan ni sekejap je aku rasa, tak lama lagi konflik datang ler mencurah curah.

Omputih kata, "be careful what you wish for". Aku kata "bring it on".

So, untuk tidak membuang masa, aku menasihatkan diri sendiri dan semua orang untuk menghargai masa lapang tanpa konflik ni. Tak pun pergi main badminton sepam dua kasi badan bersenam sikit.


Monday, February 18, 2013

To Change or Not To Change

Truth be told, i'm the guy who'd be telling things straight to your face.
I dislike the idea of thinking about how you feel, moreover when it involves an advice seeking, from a friend to a friend. I am loud when it comes to this particular subject matter.

But yeah, a lot of negative vibes will arise later on whether we like it or not because honesty never really please the fuck out of any sane mind.

The mind won't work that well if we are in our defensive mode.

Anything and everything anybody say, even though it is in a very calm situation will be misplaced and misunderstood abhorrently if you set your mind to be as defensive as fuck.

So i tried, i changed, converting into someone who would be listening to problems, yappings and mumble jumble to understand the situation. Friends do what friends supposed to do. This is one of the social responsibility i've been practicing all my life, to be there when you need, and to help when you need.

Still, people think i'm not giving attention to whatever the fuck they're trying to say to me although i'm all ears.

The thing is, you will never satisfy anyone the way they want it. Nothing is good enough for anybody. Doesn't matter who the fuck you think you are.

You can never recover the cost of a friendship, if you are the type of a person who'd treat friendship as something more precious than any objects in this world.

To those who stayed loyal, godspeed.
To those who betrayed, still, godspeed.

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Day People Become More Than Just Materialistic

I live in the millenia in which it is so frustrating to have no cash in your stash.

Unlike my mom n my dad's time in which they can buy a 5cents nasi lemak that could fill their stomach properly. I kinda hate the current nasi lemak. Nasi lemak nowadays costs me 10bucks. From 5cents to 10bucks, how worst can they be? The ingredient and its proportions is nowhere near grandeur yet i have to pay the premium price. Fuck. i wouldnt whine much if it is sumptuous but some of them does not tasted like nasi lemak, at all. What, u can't afford to fill in a proper coconut milk in it?

My mom once told me money is not everything. I beg to differ and told her that the sentence she told me is not pragmatic the day we're living in now.

I have to crush my brain to have to think of how she can happily live eventhough there's no luxury surrounding her and her sibling. I sure have a lot of uncles and aunties coz yeah, what do you expect from them oldies? I highly respect some of them for having the will, courage n financial ability to have dozens of children and can still feed them. That, was amazing and is still amazing to me. Imagine a current families having 12 children these days. I bet some of them will be crooks. Seriously. That's some of the reasons why i'm against polygamy and i'm up for controlled pregnancy.

I had these conversation of how i am against polygamy with her and she told me she is amazed, because i'm a guy and i'm against the idea of polygamy. I don't know mom, things are not that easy nowadays, so i have to stand upon my principles (yeah right, wait till u get filthy rich and be one of them, son).

Ah fuck it. I'm going to be rich tomorrow.
Ah fuck tomorrow. Don't fill my tomorrow with sorrow.

If you cant find any sense in this shit, go read something else. I seriously am here now for myself.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Post Adult

I've been planning and thinking of buying a house for meself in the future. But upon reading lots of articles about the current issues in properties and wages, aku garu kepala.

Honestly, who wants to live in a small cubicle or flats or apartments with high density population? That, was the first thing buzzing around my head since, you know, lotsa people wanted a house with its own land, right?   But then, i cant say much. The amount of the salary and the need to buy a house seems conflicting with each other.

Dari dulu til now, lotsa people think fresh grads who can earn somewhere around 3k is considered banyak, wahlao. This is insane. This has never changed sampai sekarang. Talking to my mum about this wont work, because she says she only gets 300 bucks monthly as a civil servant, a looooooooong time ago. Not a fruitful conversation but still i love talking to her. Comparing 300 dulu and now is not smart.

I'm foreseeing myself having tons of loans, for important stuff lah, not for credit cards n super duper howzy cars that i know i can't afford, (Bentley, misalnya) And those loans are ranging from 15 to 30 years. Wahlao. I think i'm going to spend most of my times working and paying those loans off. If only i can live and die at my own house that'd be super nice. lol

Plus, i need to buy a woman to please me. Marriage costs a lot nowadays. And women are going to rip off your saving accounts too. Nowadays, most parents are auctioning their kids with a filthy price. So, if you're thinking of marrying someone smarter than you, think twice, coz they're far more expensive than you can afford. Fuck all those featured marriage on Nona and whatnot, tell yourself in front of the mirror  that you cant afford it and held a simple wedding ceremony lah.

Fucker apa, dari nak beli rumah sampai ke kahwin.

Meyh, fuck marriage. i think i'll be going for a career first. climb the ladder. slash a head or two. but then, by the time i am going to be super rich, i'll be super old. dammit.

Everything about life is much more depressing when u get older. You have to think of too many things on your own, and thats quite messy, even though i love thinking.

fuck lah. i dont wanna buy a house. i wanna buy a piece of land, and couple of container. Decorate them inside out and live in them.


Fuck all these bullshits. Hail hedonism!
Kais pagi makan pagi! Kais petang makan petang!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Tentang Lagu lagu Mendatar Yang Diulang-ulang Untuk Kesekian Kalinya di Radio

Aku bukan komposer mahupun penyanyi yang famous menerusi undian undian popular. Lagu yang sedap tak semestinya famous. Kadang kadang lagu tak sedap pun radio mainkan, sebab penyanyi dia famous. Benda benda ni semua memang subjektif. Telinga kau bukan telinga aku. Tapi kita boleh nampak trending dia kat Malaysia. Penyanyi penyanyi yang menyanyi dengan suara mendatar pun boleh famous, tahu? Aku sendiri tak pasti kenapa lagu yang dinyanyikan secara mendatar ni boleh famous. Ada banyak sebab. Aku try list sebab sebab dia kat bawah lah.

1. Mungkin sebab artis kat malaysia ni dah takde pelopor. Semua stock menang sebab famous. Suara tak lunak mana pun, tapi dia famous. Macam penyanyi penyanyi yang famous menerusi youtube. Boleh kira dengan jari mamat mamat n minah minah yang famous menerusi AF yang masih lagi 'famous' sampai sekarang. Depa discontinued AF sebab penerbit pun tau orang bosan, rating makin lama makin tunduk ke bumi. Sekarang pun depa buat benda yang sama. Maharaja lawak sampai muntah. Entah sampai berapa banyak episod/tournament depa nk buat entah. Mungkin sampai penerbit pun rasa nak muntah dengan lawak lawak pelawak ni. Benda sama akan jadi kat maharajalawak ni. Sama macam AF. Sama ja modus operandi.

2. Sebab radio dah tak tau nak main lagu apa. Dok main lagu sama ja sekali setiap 2 jam. Lagu yang tak sedap pun kau boleh sing along bila radio dok main ulang ulang sampai muntah.

3. Penyanyi kat malaysia tak kreatif. Semua tunggu nak kena suap lirik sampai pakaian. Cubalah bawak bawak jadi experimental sikit buat lagu sendiri, rhyme sendiri. Ni tak. Balik balik lirik dengan rhyme orang yang sama buat dari 20 tahun lepas sampai la ni. Betul jugak la. Semua pakai formula yang sama. Memang la lagu macam mana kreatif pun, still, komposer sama penulis lirik orang yang sama. Tak boleh lari jauh.

4. Aku dah tak kenal dah siapa siapa penyanyi baru yang betul betul boleh menyanyi. Mungkin sebab aku jenis dont give a fuck dengan industri celah ni kat Malaysia, but still, lagu kat radio masih lagi ulang lagu lagu dengan suara mendatar dok ulang ulang lirik yang sama lima namploh kali sampai habis. Pukimak jadah haram apa. Memang jangan harap la aku nak dengar radio bahasa melayu. Racist jugak aku ni kadang kadang.

5. Aku nak ulang point 1 kat atas, bila dah takde pelapis, rakyat malaysia cari alternative lagu yang boleh sing along. Mendatar pun mendatar lah janji depa boleh layan. Kalau tanya budak budak hipster memang jangan harap la depa nak layan. Mainstream sangat. Dok kena puja sana sini sebab lagu depa dok kena ulang ulang dekat radio. Sedap pun tak jugak.

6. Sekarang radio bukan lagi main source untuk lagu lagu baru. Kuasa memilih untuk buatkan apa apa famous/viral sikit sikit beralih ke new media. Internet n such. Memang patut la lagu mendatar boleh famous. haha. bodoh.

Ah, pegi mampos lah. Bukan aku dengar radio sangat pun. Aku rela main playlist aku tigapuluhribujuta kali daripada dengar penyanyi penyanyi suara mendatar menyanyi dengan suara mendatarnya. fucker. Sakit telinga aku.


*maybe our community's taste in music is deteriorating (progressively worse).


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Every content of this blog may be MY perspectives generally. BTW, i am not trying to pick a fight with any body, just havin some fun for the sake of Laughter.... PLUS, i need your Brain to read this blog. I dont need your brainless head to interpret my perspectives. more? words inside this blog is not suitable in formal occasion, so, take note. There are more fictions than facts in this blog, don't believe the author too much or u'll have headache for the rest of your life... Gyahahahahah~