Wednesday, June 12, 2013


This is going to be an awkward post that i will publish. The most awkward-est i think. Because in a way i have made this non personal blog into one.

I've been thinking and been pondering on the subject matter of 'death'. Actually i dont really gives a shit about it but i kept on thinking and thinking and somehow it found its way to me in my dream. 

1. Think too much.

The day after i dreamed of death, last sunday 9th june, i went to eat air batu campur ABC, with my friend. Before that, i told him i am dreaming of death, in his car.

Our main objective when we went out that day is just to get something to drink, outside of the house since the weather is killing the lot out of us recently. Before we went to get our drinks, my friend met his friend for some work-related business and i tell myself, why don't we get cendol instead of the same iced tea or iced syrup which i will order just like i always do on every regular lepak session.

After he met his friend, my friend said "what about ABC?", coz its been a long time since the last time we had one, maybe i haven't had one for a long time, i don't know my friend's story.

And so, we went to get our ABC. My friend asked for a regular ABC and i ordered an extra chocolate topping, i have to pay more for it, of course. ABC is so expensive nowadays. I used to enjoy the same ABC from the same stall  for only RM2 a few years ago and now its already RM 3.50, extra 50 cents since i want more chocolate toppings.

After a queue, we took our ABC and eat them. That is the intro of the dialogue between 2 broke friends who whine a bit about how expensive food is nowadays. Everything starts to double its price. We could once get a decent roti canai for only 50 cents and now its around RM1 - RM1.20 in the city. Time flies...

2. Reminiscing

Before eating the ABC, we promised to have a sumptuous Nasi Lemak because its been a while since we had our proper meal. Our daily meal? Rice, fried eggs and some hot dogs at home. once in a while we eat chicken due to the tight budget. I don't wanna whine on that now since we still had something to eat every now and then, doesn't matter how frequent it is. I am thankful for that.

Remember about the extra chocolate topping on my ABC? i went all energetic and stuff that night. It feels like i'm high on some drugs and shit. I blasted the speaker on max volume and sing along with serj tankian's SOAD and linkin park all night, with my friend. Lucky me he's a fan. So he could sing along with my pace and i kinda head banging for about 3 or 4 hours before i naturally fell asleep that night. idky but i hate sleeping at night. The peace and serenity is too comfortable to be ignored. 

Today, or yesterday, i've been thinking of how stingy i am. I'm thinking of the theory of how money come and go. Theory about Give and take. And all sorts of philosophical bullshit. So i called my friend to be at the rendezvous. I've been thinking on treating them their dinner. Few days ago i get my royalties for writing Kitab Terfaktab. Yeah, i'm one of them. That is one of the reason why i'm paying that night.

I ordered my usual nasi goreng cendawan. But i changed my drinks to fresh watermelon from the usual iced tea. i loved their iced tea, it tasted different from every other usual shop that sells iced tea. But yeah, that night was a different night.

We had a good laugh. I laughed hard, my hands are numb and it was a good dinner. Not the usual dinner with the same food like we always had. Nobody really knows i'm going to treat them that night, so i tell them i am going to pay for their dinner after they had their meal. Unluckily, 3 of them ordered nasi bujang. One of my friend scream to me because of not telling him i am paying for dinner. But thats the rule. If you tell them you are going to treat them, they are going to be the devil who eats like a bulldozer. That's another story.

I stopped for a while because my friend is peeking on what i'm doing on my laptop. I don't really know why but it seems like nobody likes it when anybody read what they are writing, when they are writing. Doesn't matter what they're writing, am i right?
I'm home, all comfortable because tomorrow, my schedule is free and i am entitled to do whatever it is i'm willing and intended to, within my available resources.

It is 3 am. And now, at the very moment, i'm trying to finish what i started. This piece of rambling i'm sure nobody would  really care. 

3. Generous

Its been a while since i personally say hello to my maker. I bet he's furious. Or maybe he didn't give a damn, at all. Remember the day i told my friend i dreamed of death? He told me, that, was a good sign. I raised my left eyebrow and he told me that i am going to live long. To repent. To him. In whatever way i could. But this won't help me from stop thinking of death.

I took my shower later that night with my mind busy thinking about death, again. This fucking head wont stop thinking i guess so i let it be and play along.

Tonight, everybody's kinda busy. With work and whatnot. I told everybody i'm going to be dead, soon, out loud. I can see them smirk without even looking at their face. I even told them i am going to write a will (wasiat). Seriously, wasiat sounds better since 'will' have too many other synonyms along with it. Wasiat only have one meaning and one meaning is better than a lot of jumbled up meaning. I asked my friend for a piece of a4 paper and starts to write WASIAT on the top of the paper. Laugh a bit and put them on the the nearest shelf. I took it out again and write some honest will that i'm going to write that i have carved in my head. There's 4 to 5 points in it.

 I am a bit crazy when i'm within my comfortable zone, with the friends i'm comfortable with. If they do read this piece of crap, they will absolutely cross the word 'bit' from this particular paragraph.

4. Wasiat

I've been Thinking too much. Some serious thinking i'd say. I Reminisce. I am being Generous suddenly, out of nowhere, maybe out of somewhere. And i write a Wasiat.

And i write all of this past events to this blog. Hell not even an angel knew when they're going to die. I mean, every living creature including all the mumbo jumbo ghosts and apparition that people can't see have their end of time right? So am i.

So, maybe if and only if i die sooner than later, this will be the remarkable reminder of how death clinging onto you for every second you're breathing the oxygen in and carbon dioxide out.

Voila. its finished.

Later, if i'm alive.



RastaMat said...

Aku tak tau kenapa aku baca bersungguh-sungguh tulisan kau yang ini..

Semoga berjaya dalam hidup, semoga tenang mati kau nanti..

Hikaru Yui said...

baguslah kalau selalu ingat mati.


plain83 said...

ever wondered what will happen to your blog and your social networking accounts when you're finally on the other side? some of your blog followers will be wondering about you when there are no updates from you after some time... better share your password with your very2 close and trustworthy friend/family member so that they can access your blog and post an entry telling everybody that you've gone to the other world called barzakh... bagus ingat akan mati ni, kita cenderung utk jadi lebih baik ^^


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Every content of this blog may be MY perspectives generally. BTW, i am not trying to pick a fight with any body, just havin some fun for the sake of Laughter.... PLUS, i need your Brain to read this blog. I dont need your brainless head to interpret my perspectives. more? words inside this blog is not suitable in formal occasion, so, take note. There are more fictions than facts in this blog, don't believe the author too much or u'll have headache for the rest of your life... Gyahahahahah~